


Selflessness, Selfishness

by straylize



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Persona 5 Spoilers, Shukita - Freeform, i just wanted to write about yusuke trying to take care of one dumb protag, it's soft and dumb and i'm not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 12:29:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20046046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straylize/pseuds/straylize
Summary: As leader of the Phantom Thieves, Akira has done nothing but put others before himself. Now, without any threats hanging over their heads, it's time for Yusuke to try to figure out what it is Akira truly wants for himself.





	Selflessness, Selfishness

“Akira, can I ask you something?”

The sound of Yusuke’s voice was as cool and collected as the frigid February air; it cut through the quiet silence that had settled between the two of them. Save for the sounds of the muted hustle and bustle of Yongen-Jaya’s narrow alleyways, they had gone quite a while without speaking. It was comfortable, almost natural by this point for them to simply coexist in silence when there was little to say—Akira himself could recall countless instances of similar silences as he accompanied Yusuke on an assortment of tasks, adventures, and attempts to recapture his inspiration to paint.

Just as comfortable was the breaking of silence with curious inquiries and idle chatter. Even if Yusuke’s voice was calm and unassuming, it bore a warmth that only he could muster. Akira knew that to be so; Yusuke had that way about him. A pure, natural curiosity for things around him, a mind that could see even the simplest of things and take inspiration from them in one way or another. Just as the silence between them was comfortable, he found those curious inquiries to be just the same.

“Mm,” He responded with an easy nod. A small smile tugged at Akira’s lips, a gentle form of encouragement for Yusuke to voice whatever it was that had piqued his curiosity. “Go right ahead.”

“What interests you, Akira?”

“…Huh?” The question caught him off-guard, though he truthfully wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t fully understand what Yusuke wanted to know—or if it was truly just the sort of question he didn’t ever expect to hear directed toward him.

“I’m simply… curious. At a glance, it would seem you have a variety of interests, but I believe that perhaps you spend too much time focused on what will please others around you,” The words were soft-spoken and honest. Coming from anyone else, it may have sounded like a scathing criticism of how Akira handled his personal situations, but the cadence of Yusuke’s voice implied it was anything but. “Whether it be helping me when I was in need, your physical training with Ryuji, or any of the many other things you have aided us with over the last year, it seems you look out solely for our interests. You approach us, but are endlessly selfless with your time. So I was curious to know, I suppose, just what things hold your interest.”

Silence fell between the two of them once more as Akira found himself at a loss for words. Silence fell between them as they closed in on Leblanc; Akira’s lips pursed into a small pout as he considered Yusuke’s question. Nobody had ever called him out on his actions in that manner before. He helped his friends and other acquaintances because he was able to. He helped them because they were relying on his aid. He helped them and took part in their interests because… 

“I’m not sure,” The words escaped his lips quietly; raw and unsure. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have any interests of his own, but it was far different than what he could feasibly put into words. His friends all had very concrete goals and interests. They all had something they strove for, a goal for their future, a dedicated interest. Yusuke had his art, Ann had her modeling, Makoto was working toward her goals of being a police commissioner.

But Akira had nothing like that. While the Phantom Thieves were active, he had lived for that. Optimizing everyone’s equipment, leading the charge through the Metaverse, taunting Shadows and making all the connections necessary—it had been something that never bored him. It was a set of experiences he could share with the people dearest to him, and it had been something he excelled at. But that time had come to pass; their duty as Persona-users had ended. And that had left Akira without a dedicated interest. He had a passing one in many things—reading, fishing, making coffee. They weren’t thrilling interests, and they weren’t necessarily things he believed his friends would want to take part in. They all had so much, and Akira felt more at ease helping them along and watching them grow. He sincerely enjoyed taking part in the things that made them enthusiastic, even if it amounted to an array of subjects he knew very little about and had little personal interest in.

There was more Akira knew he had to say, though. The thoughts flitted through his mind in slight disarray, but the silence wasn’t made to last. “I like the way things have been.”

He felt sheepish in admitting it; he had never been one to talk much about himself unless prompted, after all. That had always been true, and his probation had only made it more necessary for him to keep his head down and keep the attention off him. As leader of the Phantom Thieves, it had been easier that way, anyway—the stakes had always been so high that there was no time for worry. Akira felt more at ease keeping everyone calm and assured; any problems of his own easily fell to the wayside in favor of taking care of everyone around him.

The response didn’t seem to satisfy Yusuke, however. He stopped in his tracks, and subsequently Akira stopped as well, offering only a quizzical look. The expression that clouded Yusuke’s features was that of contemplation; his brows drew together as he hummed a curious sound. It was a long moment before Yusuke’s eyes met with Akira’s, quickly followed by a shake of his head.

“Even now, you bear the weight of far too much alone. These last few months, you have endured so much in order to keep us safe.” Yusuke’s head dipped; he felt almost ashamed to admit that. Akira had allowed himself to be the bait to draw out Akechi; he had put his life in danger and faced hardships none could have expected. He quietly turned himself into the police following Yaldabaoth’s defeat and took responsibility for the entirety of the Phantom Thieves’ actions. Akira had spent time confined in jail with his whole, bright future at risk… and Yusuke was more than aware that it was to keep him and the others from having to endure the same struggles. Akira had put his own future at risk to promise that nobody else would have to give up on their dreams.

After drawing another contemplative breath, Yusuke stepped closer to Akira. “Many would say that selfishness is an ugly trait.”

In response, Akira tilted his head to one side, unsure of where Yusuke was going with the pivot in his words.

“There is beauty in chasing the things you want, Akira. It is not my place to decide if aiding everyone else makes you happiest, but I believe… you also have room to follow your own desires.”

They were words that Akira had sincerely never heard another say to him so bluntly. His eyes widened slightly, if only for a moment. If there was one thing that was undeniably true, it was that Yusuke had an earnest way of conveying his sentiments without realizing how another would perceive them.

Akira’s head dipped a little, as if to hide the heat that was rushing to his cheeks and to his ears; Yusuke noticed the flush of color, but neglected to realize the reason for it. Akira said nothing, though; his mind was at a loss for precisely how to respond to what he’d been told. He was nothing short of completely overwhelmed by the kindness being shown to him. Truly, it was strange to have his own actions turned around and used against him. It was the sort of thing he’d have said to nearly anyone else he knew, but never expected to hear about himself.

“Ah… my apologies, Akira. I suppose it is a bit selfish and presumptuous of me to—“

“Thank you, Yusuke.” Akira cut his words off at the pass; his head lifted to allow his eye’s to meet with Yusuke’s. His expression was soft, grateful. So few people had ever looked out for him, and while Yusuke himself could be nothing short of both eccentric and oblivious at times, he had a keen sense when it really counted. Still, he elected not to specify just what he was grateful for, or how much those words made his heart race.

That soft expression caught Yusuke nearly as off-guard as Akira appeared to be in the moment. Akira was usually calm and collected; he laughed and joked plenty, but there had always been a strange sense of distance that nobody knew how to breach. He had a wall that was ten feet high; despite breaking everyone else’s down, there was so much they still didn’t know about their fearless leader. They knew his history, his basic likes and dislikes, and how to rely on him. But Yusuke could count the number of times Akira expressed a need for help that wasn’t just backup in battle on one hand. He hid his expression behind his glasses and unkempt hair often, and while that was an indicator that there was more to his feelings than met the eye, it was impossible to discern precisely what he was thinking.

So to see Akira’s expression so warm and appreciative cause his heart to thump in a way that only the Sayuri’s beauty had managed in the past. Instead if a proper response, Yusuke sputtered a little without managing a coherent sentence. Akira’s smile broadened a touch.

“You’ll let me be a little selfish, then?” Akira asked; he traded some of that warmth for a hint of deviousness that seemed to put Yusuke back at ease. That smile was far more familiar to him, and settled his pounding heart just enough to gain some of his composure back.

“Naturally. If you wish to find new interests of your own to share, I would gladly accompany you. You did the same for me many times, after all.”

“So…” Akira took another step closer, their faces only inches apart. His hand shifted slightly, allowing for his fingers to brush against Yusuke's in a ‘blink-and-you’ll-miss-it’ moment—albeit one in which intentions could not be denied.. “Would it be too selfish to ask we call it a date, then?”

The thumping in Yusuke’s chest started anew. Even though the expression that had calmed his heart only moments ago hadn’t changed, the bold way in which Akira propositioned him was enough to completely surprise him.

“A… a date?” He hardly sounded appalled, but his flustered shock was completely palpable. Akira had made that joke plenty of times before, just as he’d offered to strip more than once for the sake of Yusuke’s art. Even still, for all that Yusuke was capable of being oblivious to basic social cues, there was little denying that Akira didn’t seem to be joking this time. His smile was playful, yet sincere. The brush of his fingers was warm and electrifying, and his eyes… behind the frames of his glasses, they held so much. They were lonely, they were warm, they were hopeful. There was so much emotion that went unspoken that Yusuke had never truly had been able to see until Akira laid bare his own intentions. “I—I see. This is who you truly are.”

Akira paused, unsure of what to make of that statement. He thought maybe it best to draw back, that perhaps he would have been better playing off his advance as a joke rather than the sincere question it had been. Akira wanted to tell Yusuke that his selfishness meant he wanted Yusuke to stay with him. That he wanted to experience more of the world through Yusuke’s artistic visions. That staying that way would perhaps lead him earnestly to find what interests him.

He wanted to say that it was Yusuke who interested him, in a sense.

That chance was cut short by a deep, yet muted chuckle. Yusuke dipped his head slightly, his forehead resting against Akira’s and preventing him from moving away. Neither of them paid any mind to the fact that they were standing outside of Leblanc; Yusuke had little shame, and Akira had long since thrown out the idea of caring about what others on the street thought. “Simply magnificent, Akira.”

“Magnificent?”

Akira didn’t question the chuckle, nor his actions. Only that one single word.

“Indeed. Had I known that your eyes held every emotion you held in, perhaps I’d have understood you a bit sooner. They’re… truly inspiring.”

A sense of muted relief washed over Akira, a tension he hadn’t realized he was harboring ebbing away. He felt an inherent need to deflect some of that warm sentiment that Yusuke was showing, as if embarrassed to realize that someone could see through his many masks to get to the bottom of who he was beneath it all. “It’s February. I won’t strip until at least April. And you didn't answer my question, Yusuke.” 

“Very well, though I will not forget that declaration come April. Perhaps... a few... dates in the meanwhile could keep my inspiration sparked in the meanwhile.” Another chuckle, this one softer, escaped Yusuke’s lips as he finally drew back just a bit. Akira took the cue as well, looking to the entrance of Leblanc with fondness. 

“Let’s go upstairs. Boss will probably be leaving soon…”

And truthfully, with how much they both needed to process about their unexpected revelation, some time alone together would do them some good. For Akira, it was to process the warmth of someone sincerely looking out for his needs. For Yusuke, it was about sussing out every last emotion hidden in Akira’s eyes—and figuring out just how to put that to paper while keeping his heart from bursting from his chest.


End file.
